40 Funny Coffee Puns, Jokes and Humor to Make you Laugh

I love coffee and I love to laugh, so I thought what could be better than a few funny coffee puns, jokes and humour to enjoy with your morning coffee.

So sit back and try not to spit your coffee all over your computer or mobile, as your boss will probably take a dim view of that!

If you have any coffee related jokes or puns that I have missed and you think might bring a smile to our readers faces, please leave them in the comments below.  We are always looking for a good laugh 🙂

Office and Work

1. 1. He drank coffee all day long at work, it was just part of his daily grind.
   2. When I make coffee at work it’s basically just break fluid.
   3. We asked the boss for more perks at work so he brought us a coffee machine.
   4. When his assistant spilt coffee on his neck you could understand that the boss got hot under his coffee.
   5. What do you call the first level of a coffee factory? The ground floor.

Relationship and Family

1. 6. Some people think women shouldn’t make coffee because the Bible says Hebrews.
   7. My husband asked me to make pig jerky so I brought a piglet and gave it ten espressos.
   8. You might want to reconsider your relationship with coffee if you insist on calling your son Joe, your dog Brewer and your cat Affogato.
   9. The prayer of the modern woman – ‘Lord, give me coffee to change the things I can and gin to accept the things I can’t!’
   10. A terrible cup of coffee has been considered as grounds for divorce.
   11. I don’t wake up grumpy in the morning, I just bring him some coffee.
   12. It’s not wise to discuss different coffee tastes in sensitive company as it can cause a strong, heated debate.
   13. Which shop charges more per cup – Starbucks or Victoria’s Secret?

Love

1. 14. When I’m feeling shy I just have a couple of shots of strong coffee and then I espresso myself quite well.
   15. I was going to meet a blind date at 9:00 in Costa Coffee, but she didn’t arrive until 10:00. I guess better latte than never.
   16. My girlfriend complains that I am obsessed with coffee.  All I said was ‘You’re brew-ti-ful and mocha me very happy’.

Life

1. 17. Hipsters keep burning their tongues because they drink their coffee before it’s cool.
   18. My morning cup of coffee is so strong it wakes up the neighbours!
   19. I was reading a book about the origin of cappuccino but it was all froth and no substance.
   20. When I am asked ‘How do you take your coffee?’ I reply ‘Seriously, very, very seriously!’
   21. Don’t get caught stealing other people’s coffee or you will be charged with mugging
   22. My coffee tasted like mud but then it had been ground a few minutes ago.
   23. I wasn’t sure about trying the new coffee flavour but I decided to give it a shot.
   24. You might think it’s strange that I like to use old coffee but it has the greatest sedimental value.
   25. He will take whatever beans necessary to get his morning cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
   26. When I walked in the door of my favourite coffee shop I was hit by a feeling of Deja-Brew again.
   27. I do some of my best thinking over coffee because I tend to have a latte on my mind.
   28. The passenger next to me on the train spilled coffee on my trousers so I responded by showing him dis-stain.

Animals

1. 29. Is a cow that’s just given birth de-calf-inated?
   30. You know you have had too much coffee if you channel surf faster without a remote!
   31. It’s a mistake to give snakes coffee as it makes them viper-active.
   32. I ran an experiment to get baby cows to drink coffee but only one calf in eight did.

Health

1. 33. I think I have OCD – Obsessive Coffee Disorder
   34. Be careful not to drink too much coffee as it can cause a latte problems.
   35. A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye. The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
   36. Today I slept in and didn’t have the time to make my espresso so now I feel a little depresso.
   37. Don’t talk to me if I have had more than five espressos or I will lose my tamper.
   38. A yawn is a silent scream for coffee

Movies

1. 39. What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee? Java the Hut!
   40. I brought coffee at the circus once; it was the greatest joe on Earth.

Now, I never said that they would all be good, but I bet there were a few that made you at least smile, and if that is true, then my job here today is done.

Remember, if you have any coffee related jokes, puns or humor that you think are worthy of this list, or lets face it, better.  Drop them in the comments below, and make me laugh!